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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?